Welcome back ya lovely humans. I am sure if you are a regular at viewing my blog you have noticed I write a lot about spontaneous traveling, sometimes even about mental health related stuff. Well today I am going to ramble to you about both of these, but in a different sense.
I feel like myself, along with a lot of other people, especially females in their 20s and 30s love the idea of running away from typical life. We yearn for a sense of adventure, to feel something that we don’t feel in our day-to-day life. Or maybe it’s that we run away into the great unknown from something we don’t like, holding onto hope that we will find something more meaningful. There are so many reasons to why we run away from our lives or want to and each are so deep and personal, but at what point does running away become useless or not as helpful?
Let me give you a little backstory incase you aren’t one of the five people who read this that know me in real life: As you have probably noticed, I am really good at traveling without a plan (or a lot of money) and making it work. However, a lot of these travels are brought on by my mental health and being overwhelmed with my life (even if it is irrational, it’s valid to me). Being in a certain headspace and letting people around me see that side of me terrifies me sometimes. Also, I get scared of something irrational like stability/connections/normal human things (Guys, a normal 9 to 5 job is my biggest fear). There are so many tiny reasons that can trigger me running away, sometimes it’s just not thinking things through and leaving because I have a few days off or randomly quitting my job with no plan. Ya get where I am going on this, I’ll stop rambling.
As you can imagine, this isn’t always the best choice for me. Sure doing this is magical and life changing in a lot of ways…and I truly regret not one of my weird spontaneous trips (even the ones I cried on most of the time). They all served a purpose and I will probably go on many more in the future (hopefully with a little more structure and stability). However, one thing I have never done when I want to run is stay, until this week.
This Sunday, I was in a super weird (probably not that healthy) of a headspace. Then I had a little idea pop into my head when I realized I wasn’t going to have as many obligations as I thought I was going to have for the week.. I thought it would be a great idea to just runaway to NOLA for Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday) and come back like nothing ever happened. I did not have the money to go, but has that ever stopped me? No. I started giving myself reasons to go, how the drive would be therapeutic and help me organize my chaotic thoughts. I told myself a break from where I currently was would be nice and make me more grateful to be here.
Now, typical me would’ve just went with those first few thoughts and packed a bag and left without thinking anything about it. However, I like to think I have this new rational way of thinking (I think because I am getting closer to 25 that prefrontal cortex is almost fully formed and starting to do a little better at decision making). Anyway, I stopped and looked for reasons to stay instead of reasons to leave for once. I thought about if my friends or roommates were going to need me around this week or if I should really skip out on things I have been working on consistently. I am not religious in any sense and I don’t think leaving is bad, but it felt like an angle and devil on my opposite shoulders going back and forth.
Me being the rational human that I am decided I would try something new and I didn’t run away. Especially since I am on this new path of self discovery and growth, trying something new couldn’t hurt. It was not an easy decision and I spent all of Monday fighting the urge to leave, reminding myself that I may learn something new by not bailing out on myself without a plan. I am not going to lie and say “omg this was the best week ever”. My dudes, it is only Thursday and this week has felt like a year. It hasn’t been all bad, but there has been a lot of growth in 4 days. A lot of me figuring out things about myself that I never knew. New opportunities that could have arose even if I had left, but I would’ve ignored them and not considered them. Also, just the fact of knowing that I can make it through hard internal/personal things without changing my environment has been so empowering for me. I also realize that I need to ground myself a little bit before leaving again, work on healing that root chakra a bit.
Maybe this rambling post has made no sense to you and my thoughts are just unorganized words. However, if you made it this far I encourage you to take away this one thing. When you get the urge to spontaneously run away, ask your self why you want to go? That doesn’t mean you don’t go and run, but knowing why you want to may be the most empowering realization of your life so far. And if you already know why you want to, ask yourself if it’s worth it? Who knows, you may surprise yourself with what you come up with.
I hope this post wasn’t too much over sharing with strangers on the internet. And if it was, i hope it helps someone in some way. I hope you guys have an amazing week.