Grateful For 2020

I know, controversial, nothing is supposed to make us feel grateful right now. I get it. Usually around this time of year my social media is full of people posting why they are grateful every week and I am usually mega annoyed by it (thinking we should always be grateful). However, I am not seeing many of those post this year. I typically despise the Holidays with every ounce of my being and I am still not feeling into it this go around. I’m extra grumpy and sesnsitive, I feel left out, and completely despise everyone who is having fun with way too many people than they should be socializing with right now. However, I think a lot of us are feeling like that right now, not just me. So, in an attempt to try to flip it, why not list off some things I am grateful for that have happened this year. I feel like listing off some things I am grateful for can never really hurt at anytime….. and after all, now is the time we should try to be the most grateful.

Yoga Friends ❤

I say it a lot, but I’m grateful for yoga. Grateful that I got to spend this entire year absorbed in studying, practicing, and teaching yoga. I’m grateful that I got to apply so much of what I learned into my day to day life and just kind of experiment with it all. I’m grateful for all the self-realization that has come along with that. My body is super grateful for all the yoga I’ve been doing (I’ll say it, even though it’s not about the results or the pose, my butt is looking cute from all those 5 min chair poses). I’m grateful for all the people who are apart of and that I’ve met through the studio. I could write a paragraph on why I am grateful for each person I’ve met through there this year. Each one of them just touches my heart in a different way, they are all amazing. I’m grateful for all the warmth and love I feel there and through yoga. I’m grateful that most of my time and energy was spent doing yoga with these people this year, so freaking grateful. I think yoga was a big influence in why everything else turned out so gracefully.

Reconnecting with my Kourt!

I’m grateful for the reconnected and the newly connected friendships. I’m grateful that I finally don’t feel the need to runaway…..that I was forced to stay in one place for so long, that I’ve actually learned a few things. I’m grateful for all the love I have felt this year, not kidding when I say this is the most loved I have felt in my entire life and I can’t decide if that’s sad or beautiful. I’m grateful for the hours long zoom calls talking to my friends and their kids. I’m grateful for the socially distant hang out sesh’s with my friends, roommates, the outdoor walks, dog walks, and the patio “wine” nights. I’m grateful that we all had each other and still check in on each other during the chaos. And I’m grateful for so, so so much more related to my people. So many people that I’ve met and spent time with this year that have made such a sweet impact on me. I’m grateful for my people.

Ashely being Ashley back there ^

I’m grateful for my roommate and my best friend, aka my pandemic buddy. That we’ve spent this entire year (and a very stressful move and month of chaos) together and still love each other. I’m grateful that I got to teach her yoga and she got to teach me how to cook (true story). I’m grateful for the weird nights, the laughs, the crying with each other as we find reasons to just vibe. For the being included in her family’s igame pool tournament and pre-covid Holiday plans. I’m grateful for the understanding and respect we have for each other. I could not ask for a better situation or person to spend 2020 with.

Im grateful that I finally don’t hate myself every day. That I found a little bit of confidence that I had lost and brought it back with a lot more authenticity. I’m thankful that I finally learned to laugh at myself and the world. That I’m learning to be myself and noticing when something doesn’t feel authentic. I’m thankful I’m learning not to take things too seriously, but still be responsible. I’m thankful that I learned to expect a little less out of others and the world. And that i’ve learned enough to know most people are always trying their best too. I’m grateful that even when people are being intentionally rude, jealous, judgmental, I’m able to take a step back and try not to get emotionally charged (doesn’t always work, but progress not perfection). I’m thankful that I don’t cringe when I hear myself talk or see pictures of myself anymore. That I don’t beat myself up for silly mistakes.

It seemed odd to not have a photo here

I’m grateful for the silly mistakes and lessons I’ve finally learned. For the messy moments I’ve had. For all the insights that came from those messy moments. I’m grateful people in my life still stick around after those messy moments. I’m thankful for all the jobs i’ve had and quit this year…. and the extremely stressful moments that I handled better than I ever could’ve in the past. I’m grateful for finally re-learning how to do my makeup and brush my hair (seriously if you knew me a year ago, you get it). I’m grateful for all the hobbies I’ve learned and all the quality time alone that I’ve gotten. I’m grateful for all the writing and reading I’ve done, and for way less time spent watching TV. I’m grateful for every period I started when I was over a week late.

Delilah, the infamous pup.

I’m grateful for all the extra time with my pup, she’s truly the best being to ever grace me with their presence. I’m grateful for the constant companion, the goofiness she has when everyone in our house is sad. She’s so perfect.

She deserves two photos.

I’m grateful for the two impulsive trips I took and then realizing I just wanted to go back home. I’m grateful for all the music and long drives to nowhere I’ve taken. I’m so thankful that even though the world seems like it’s falling apart, I feel like I’m finally coming together. I’m grateful that I’m okay with being wrong. I’m thankful that I can finally like people, without them having to like me back. I’m grateful that the world finally became a place where I could exist without having a mental breakdown, without wanting to not exist. I’m grateful that I wake up and want to be here, without dreading the day ahead of me. I’m grateful for all the healing I’ve done this year. And all the coping skills I’ve learned to deal with my sensitive a** moods. I’m thankful for how self-aware I am about my mental health and when it’s not doing too great, trying to ride it out or fix it.

Immediately following last photo, where I fell in mud.
Aesthetic photo taken on first 2020 trip. Badlands, SD

I’m grateful for all the forgiving I have gave to situations, myself, and people who have hurt me. For realizing that in some of those situations, others weren’t actually intending harm. I’m thankful for finally understanding past (& sometime current) situations and experiences that were difficult.

I feel so incredibly lucky for this year, that it feels selfish. I’m lucky that in a world where everyone’s mental health and life seems to have gotten progressively worse, mine has someone gotten progressively better. It’s kind of like I was living in a world not made for my brain and now that we’re all freaking out, I’m figuring out how to be okay.

I’m grateful Joe Biden was elected our next president. I’m grateful we had to go on lockdown and as a society, majority of us finally realized how corrupt our system is and we’re all finally eager to fix it. I’m grateful that I get to watch Earth try to heal itself and can only hope we will listen. Earth will be fine without us, it’s incredible to be apart of, though. I’m grateful for how kind and humble this year has made all of us, bringing back a lot of humanity it feels like.

I’m thankful for all the change 2020 has brought.

While I usually cringe at the long sappy thankful post’s on thanksgiving, meeting it with judgement instead of love….I think I finally understand them a little better. Am I still a little bitter and grumpy? Yes, but at least I feel a little better, a little more content that I can have negative emotions and still be grateful, and I know that maybe some of that bitterness is my own garbage. And as insane as it may sound, I actually think this year has been my favorite so far. The laughs, the tears, the time with humans.

So, so thankful for all the love.

Thanks 2020.

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Someone once told me to never stop writing, so I'm not.

2 thoughts on “Grateful For 2020

  1. I love this post! A lot of us have considered 2020 as a write off but there are still things that we can be grateful for in 2020! We should all think about the good that has come out of this year rather than just focusing on the bad!

    Liked by 1 person

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