Greetings internet creatures,
in an attempt to inspire and keep things interesting. I’m going to give a little mental health update.
I’ve been pondering a lot about life. About how grateful I am that I’m not where I used to be, but how I still have so much to learn.
The past two mornings I had to wake up earlier than normal, with a more than usual to-do’s before leaving the house. As always I set my alarm 25 times to make sure I was up, but this morning I realized how silly it was that I had that many alarms and how I always wake up right after the second one if I turn the first one off. Then I realized I used to have that many alarms, because I would dread waking up. I would rather spend time in my dreams than reality.
I’m not sure if that’s really sad or just how most of us feel majority of the time. But it felt like for the longest time I would cry majority of mornings when I didn’t want to get out of bed. Guys, I mean legit panic attacks just because I didn’t want to be a human. Every time I would get stuck in a routine, I would just spin deeper into life thoughts. Into what I was doing with my life and always found myself in getting stuck with how nothing matters. How capitalism is ruining the world. How the world is garbage and majority of the human population make me disappointed to be a human. I know I’m not along in that.
&&& plot twist, I wasn’t completely wrong.
But I kind of was.
because, we get to chose what matters and we can always choose new things to matter. A
It makes me think of life kind of like a blank white canvas. Which, if you don’t know what you’re supposed to do with that, that is kind of scary. It’s overwhelming and empty. However, just like painting, with life we start creating. We start creating meaning. We get to decide what we want to matter, what we want to assign meaning to….and that’s just been a kind of cool idea for me to ponder in. It’s like we can always paint over something, we can always add and keep things in our life.
Anyways, I’m glad I’m not that girl anymore. Glad that I don’t dread my days and existence. Glad that I’m okay with creating new things and not holding onto what I kept doing for so long. I’m glad we all get to do that and that while we get to create, we get to connect.
Someone once told me to never stop writing, so I’m not.