Where do you go when your mind goes dark?
When your heart sinks into your stomach
and your skin tingles of betrayl.
When trust slips through your fingers and paranoia kicks in.
When your thoughts turn and turn unill they spin into demons.
When you stat dissasociating and your soul leaves your body
traveling to a relm so far that you’re not even sure your body exists.
Do you take cold showers?
Or turn the music up so lound it rattles you to the bone.
Do you run?
Or runaway, so far away thinking you can outrun your own pain?
Maybe you rumage through old photos late at night
reminding yourself that there are better days.
Do you reach out to say “hey I’m not okay”
only to be met with the weeping cry that it’s all in your own mind.
Your friends have been here with you before
pushing you along, reminding you it’s not your fault.
But you still wait for them to leave
to get tired of you
because it’s ingrained in your brain that you’re too much for others to bear
that your emotions aren’t honest
manpulative at best
to the point that you don’t even trust yourself.
You keep reminding yourself that the stereotypes aren’t real
It’s just a game
but you’re a bad contestant
and life isn’t fair.
There are children without running water
it doesn’t feel right that my hearts in despair
for reasons I don’t know
explanations I can’t give
only triggers that bring me there.