Where do you go when your mind goes dark?

When your heart sinks into your stomach

and your skin tingles of betrayl.

When trust slips through your fingers and paranoia kicks in.

When your thoughts turn and turn unill they spin into demons.

When you stat dissasociating and your soul leaves your body

traveling to a relm so far that you’re not even sure your body exists.

Do you take cold showers?

Or turn the music up so lound it rattles you to the bone.

Do you run?

Or runaway, so far away thinking you can outrun your own pain?

Maybe you rumage through old photos late at night

reminding yourself that there are better days.

Do you reach out to say “hey I’m not okay”

only to be met with the weeping cry that it’s all in your own mind.

Your friends have been here with you before

pushing you along, reminding you it’s not your fault.

But you still wait for them to leave

to get tired of you

because it’s ingrained in your brain that you’re too much for others to bear

that your emotions aren’t honest

manpulative at best

to the point that you don’t even trust yourself.

You keep reminding yourself that the stereotypes aren’t real

It’s just a game

but you’re a bad contestant

and life isn’t fair.

There are children without running water

it doesn’t feel right that my hearts in despair

for reasons I don’t know

explanations I can’t give

only triggers that bring me there.